|Problems with love plague chronic illnesses. Many people have had huge insights and positive changes in their ability to love by learning that not everyone has the same “love language” as them. By seeing others in what they need most in love, they are able to have breakthroughs in the success of their relationships. See Below|
|Personality Pattern Evaluations can include Myers-Briggs, The Enneagram, or other “filters” of personality patterns. Understanding one’s “patterns” can be of great help in healing. It can also greatly aid your success in relationships.
Your conceptions of Physical, Emotional and Spiritual laws of the body may help or may limit your capacity to heal. Try to be open to new ideas.Some have found unconventional techniques helpfull: Such as HeartMath, Homeopathics, Chiropractic, Healing Massage or Spiritual Healing, Lymphatic Work, SCENAR, Frequency Generators, White Laser, and others.Understanding your illness and having a “game plan” will help you regain motivation and hope.It is helpful to work with all of your practitioners in this manner. After improved understanding, you are likely to “stick to the plan” more often so that you can begin to restore better function and cellular health. Motivation is often helped by higher dopamine levels, which have been documented to be helped by the amino acid L-Tyrosine, laughter, and service work.
The Five Love Languages:
WORDS OF AFFIRMATION:
Learning a whole new vocabularity for some, and learning to really listen to the affirming words of others. Encouragers are constantly affirming, encouraging and expressing words of appreciation for others. Lack of verbal affirmation is interpreted as lack of love.
Be active, not passive: The choice of love is is the choice to take initiative. It is the choice to do or say something for the other person’s benefit. Choose a strategy for loving or expressing love. Remember, love is an attitude that wishes love upon the other person.
Words of encouragement vs of affirmation. Encourage means to “inspire courage.” All of us have areas in which we feel insecure. We lack courage…that hinders us from accomplishing the positive things we would like to do.
Words of praise meet the need for recognition. All around us there are people who daily expend energy for the benefit of others. These people need to hear words of praise.
Kind words. Not only what we say but the manner in which we say it. “A gentle answer turns away wrath.
Forgiveness. “Can I do something that will make up for the pain I have caused you?” is a loving question. The best thing we can do with past failures is to let them be history. I refuse to allow the other’s behavior to destroy my life today. Forgiveness is…a releasing of my hurt and anger so that I am not consumed by them.
The right gift. The important thing is not the gift, but the emotional love that was communicated by the gift. A gift is a gift only when given as a genuine expression of love, not as an effort to cover over past failures.
Learn the person’s interests.
Be sensitive to the nature of some gifts. It may be “too soon,” or “too much” for the other.
You will have to change your attitude about money. If you are a saver, your emotions will resist the idea of spending money as an expression of love. The emotional significance of things in your lover’s house and bedroom.
ACTS OF SERVICE
Service vs slavery: Slavery hardens the heart and creates anger, bitterness and resentment. The service can be out of fear, guilt or resentment instead. True love is a service freely given out of choice. This love language can be extremely difficult to speak. Why should I do something for others that they can do themselves, they may ask. You can ask, “Would it be helpful to you if I did…” Albert Schweitzer: “As long as there is a man in the world who is hungry, sick, lonely or living in fear, he is my responsibility.” When someone speaks our primary love language, we are drawn to them emotionally.
The central aspect of quality time is togetherness and focused attention. Giving someone your undivided attention.. Quality conversations are sympathetic dialogues where two individuals are sharing their experiences, thoughts, feelings and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context.
Hearing. It can mean drawing the other person out, listening sympathetically to what they have to say. I will ask questions, not in a badgering manner but with a genuine desire to understand your thoughts, feelings and desires.
Talking. For some it is difficult to get in touch with and express one’s emotions, thoughts and desires.
Quality listening. Sympathetic listening with a view to understanding the other person. Guidelines:
- Maintain eye contact when your are listening to someone
- Don’t engage in other activities while you are listening to another individual.
- Listen for feelings.
- Observe body language.
- Refuse to interrupt. Individuals average seventeen seconds before they interrupt.
- Ask reflective questions. “What I hear you saying is…Is that correct?”
- Express understanding. Affirm sense of worth while treating them as a person who has legitimate feelings.
- Ask if there is anything you might do that would be helpful. Never give advice unless you are sure the other person wants it.
Quality activities. Doing them even if you don’t really like them but because you like being with your lover.
Can make or break a relationship. It can communicate hate or love.
Appropriate vs inappropriate
Implicit and explicit. Sensitive touches
Touch and sexuality: Sexuality with the one with whom you make a lifelong commitment.
Learn by doing if you “are not a touchy feely person.”
Timing the touch. Times after failure, or success, or when the person is feeling down. The key is to respect the desires of the person you are dating.
The numerous manners of touch.
ID YOUR LOVE LANGUAGE:
- Observe your own behavior
75% of people want to receive the love language that they speak—25% it is a different language.
- Observe what you request of others
- Listen to your complaints
The opposite of what hurts you most is probably your love language.